Hi, I’m Kat! I’m the mother the administration warned you about….
Cast of Characters
Movie Boy — My 12-year-old son. He has autism. He stands as the only mature man in my life. His dad is my first husband, Turd 1.
Ben Ten — My 6-year-old son. He is wildly neurotypical. He brings a lot of joy and energy to my life. His dad is my second husband, Turd 2.
Turd 1 — Movie Boy’s dad. He and I were married from 1992-2001. We had the proper Catholic marriage and approval of all parental figures. He has issues with attachment, and so within 2 months I was attention-starved. I stuck it out another 8+ years so as not to disappoint the parental figures. In the meantime, had Movie Boy, the one huge bright spot in this marriage. He lives in NYC. He can be a real buffoon, but I try to have some compassion because he also has a lot of autistic tendency. His life is incredibly compartmentalized. Freakishly so.
Turd 2 — Ben Ten’s dad. Turd 2 is 13 years younger than me. We married in 2001, when the baby bump was just starting to show and he was getting ready to deploy for 7 months. Since then, its been a rocky on-again-off-again thing. The longest we have lived in the same house together is for just shy of 12 months, which was just recently. We are currently living apart, but he comes over on the weekends.
Pammy — Turd 1’s girlfriend.
Brown — This is my youngest brother. Who stands as a testament that no matter how old you get, you will always go by the nickname your brothers gave you when you were 5 and had skid marks in your underwear.
Twin A — Currently a high school teacher in an inner city vocational school. Parading as a suburban smug married raising two cute little girls. But us siblings now about his misspent youth, which leaves him with a rap sheet of 22 infractions, including felonies. Hard to get too down on myself when being lectured about proper parenting by Twin A when I remind myself of that.
Uncle Den (Twin A’s twin) —
Zuzu — Younger sister. Chic single New York attorney. Feminist. Made conscious decision not to marry or have children, so other siblings have declared that she must be a dyke.
Mike — Mike has no nickname because he is not and never has been cool. He’s just Mike. He’s our father reincarnated. He is a military officer and an engineer. Claims to want family unity, yet passively aggressively drives hate and discontent behind the scenes.